Hey Big Spender

I had a mall life once.

I once worked at the Gap. Don’t tell anyone. I folded jeans so the denim would “pop,” and danced with oversized cutouts of Gap gift cards in the entrance of the store while wearing the newest Gap fleece pajamas. The dancing was not required but somehow made me feel less ridiculous. Before that I sold shoes and religiously wore khaki pants and a denim shirt. I never actually met Jon from the Mall of America store, but developed quite the phone friendship as I called him ten times a day to check for sizes. Before that I sold coffee across from the McDonalds and next to the Applebee’s where I bought my cigarettes to smoke on my breaks. I wore (and still have) an apron that says, “thanks a latte.” After the Gap I worked at Express. I wore a headset so I could always stay in contact with people whom I didn’t know by name. And I suppose it went with my outfit or something. They made me take my nose ring out though.

At least I can say I was in high school and worked so that I could buy concert tickets mostly. I later got to meet Jon at a Phish show at the Target Center. He recognized my voice while standing in a line behind me. Although, I’m fairly certain I asked for a soda or something and not the latest Dr. Martins in a UK 6. Small world.

Shopping malls. I hate them. I generally compare them to an enclosed state fair situation. My grandfather refers to the state fair as “the gathering of the unwashed.” I see the similarity. Where else can one see a mass of overfed, over indulged, and frivolous Americans fighting over benches to relax on while drinking their $6 espressos after a long hard day of shopping? At least shopping can be an excellent spectator sport. Honestly, the people watching is phenomenal..and depressing. Other than providing for the concert fund, the mall has done one other thing for me. It provided me with some of the best creative writing based upon people watching. Although that also warranted an investigation by mall security as some mall goers apparently thought my people watching and notebook scribbling was creepy. Wtf.

It’s mostly because of my past mall employee life that I truly despise the mall. People become robot like, including the employees. Fake. Tired. Running on caffeine and commission. Speaking of commission, have you ever tried to play the Buckle game? I highly suggest it. Here’s how you play: you enter the Buckle store and try to make it from the front of the store to the back of the store and back before being verbally captured by an employee. God’s speed. People, bittered by making no money (only be to spent at Arby’s for lunch) by selling Hawaiian print shirts to other people, whom treat them as if they really are put here to serve, find the right size, always answer “it looks good” when “on no one” should be injected at the end of that statement, whose feet hurt but still manage to smile because their 15 is in 10, pretending to like their bubbly fucking manager whom may really actually care about what today’s numbers are, is kind of an ugly thing. But what’s uglier are those people walking around with their dozen or so plastic shopping bags, a frozen yogurt, a French tip manicure, a Bluetooth headset, three small and unappreciative of Macy’s president’s sale children all wearing the latest Ugg boots and $100 pre-ripped jeans, and a credit card bill that can NEVER be paid off while alive. How can this truly be someone’s favorite pastime? Play the Buckle game.

It’s true, shopping does something to people. It can be compulsive, a quick pleasure. It covers things up, makes us feel better for the moment. But it doesn’t solve the problem. It’s glamorous, but so was Blanche DuBois in dim light. Consumer binge. It’s the American way. How many fat jokes alone are in there? We live the way we want to live no matter the cost. Bush even gave me $600 to go shopping (I think he called it economic stimulus) so I could think of life in the terms of free money and cool stuff instead of my thinking damn, I’m so glad I can pay my rent with this because I’m a fucking broke ass teacher and student who has to pay their rent with it because the economy is shit and I’m still a teacher that might lose their job and student that obviously has all her tuition money. Oh and you’re right, I did forget about my brother who’s still in Iraq. Asshole.

I think Romero has it right: “When there’s no more room in hell the dead will walk the earth.” We will occupy the malls and feed on each other. I think we already do that. Look around the next time you’re at the mall. Zombies, even with all that Caribou..zombies spending money they can’t possibly even have and that’s not because they’re zombies. It briefly reminds me of what I saw the morning of Black Friday. First of all, this as an American “holiday”….do we not see how messed up this is people? After a day of gorging ourselves and half passed out on the couch flipping between the damn parade and the game, we get up at 3 to make it to the mall (to beat the crowd?) early to buy some shit!!! Oh my god. Anyhow, I swore I would never do this, but I participated in the Black Friday game this year just to see what it was like. I didn’t see anyone get trampled (damn) but seriously….people die on this holiday because they’ve been trampled to death!!! What fucking toy is that important? Should you kill or die for your children? Yes. BUT NOT THIS WAY! Oh my god. Now normally I love people watching, but there was not enough coffee in the world to justify getting up that early to watch a bunch of people literally push and shove, be extremely rude to, threaten, and steal from other people. For what? This year’s version of Molest Me Elmo? I’m so embarrassed.

The Citypages, as always, has won me over. It’s completely interesting to see that a person can hold a week long MOA experiment on consumerism at its worst. And the “heat” in the MOA is provided by all the shoppers? Gross. Yes, your cozy cruising temp is brought to you via the greenhouse effect + 100,000 people whom may or may not have purchased (and then hopefully used) some deodorant in the day’s money purge? Gross. To think that people travel across the world to “experience” the MOA, see the largest mall, ride a rollercoaster indoors, and eat some cheese curds is a little baffling to me. Way to trump your 10,000 lakes Minnesota. And when your sanest moment is talking to a Hooters girl about her double tour in Iraq while she plays eye candy for a bunch of fools is paired with meeting foreign kiosk workers that work their asses off for only a couple of months selling T-Shirts that say idiotic things to idiots whom think they’re funny..only to go back to their countries and be set for life….holy shit. Again, I’m totally embarrassed.

What does this say about Americans as people? I don’t even want to talk about it. It makes the foreign stereotype of Americans so real, and think of how badly we stereotype foreigners. Shopping malls are America’s Mecca. It’s disgusting how consumerist behavior defines us and our shopping malls enshrine our behavior. There you have it all: the imagery, the advertisement, the merchandise, the deportment. The American way. We want it all. Think of what this says to our children. What an example to set. Check out this SNL video that explains our lifestyle perfectly:



We want our children to be critical, independent thinkers right? How the hell can we expect that in a capitalist society where society determines how we should spend our money and what on? Where such a thing defines who we are as people… For a larger portion of our young people, this is their identity. How do we get young people to THINK more about their own experiences with shopping and shopping malls? To examine their own consumption practices and so on? Great questions. I will be teaching 10th grade literature soon and the first text I am having them read is M.T. Anderson’s Feed. Read it. Brief synopsis: “The story depicts a future in which the Internet has evolved into the "Feednet"; a computer network to which the brains of American citizens are directly connected by means of an implanted computer chip called a "Feed", which over 70% of Americans have set in their brain. Privacy has become a thing of the past; Corporations are free to monitor and manipulate citizens' thoughts, people's thoughts are interrupted by the mental equivalent of pop-up ads, sometimes to a debilitating degree, and the government can even subpoena one's memories. People can "M-Chat" each other (a form of evolved Instant Messaging) on closed channels, effectively creating a form of telepathy. In addition, the Feed chip is implanted at such an early age that it actually takes over the running of many brain functions as the child matures.” The following video depicts what it would be like with a feed:



This is what we have done to our children.

An activity I have planned during the reading this text briefly goes something like this: I will have my students think about what they know about consumerism. Do they make their own choices as a consumer? What are their personal consumer habits? What are their consumer norms? What do they like, why do they like it? What do they spend money on and why? What has influenced their decisions? They will write about this then they will get into small groups and look through popular magazines. Each group will find one picture or advertisement that helps define consumer “norms.” They are to formulate as a group for larger group presentations/discussions why they choose what they chose, how were those norms similar/different to their personal findings, do they have a “type,” what ads were they drawn to and why? Consumer culture is extremely powerful, I want them to explore why and whose interests are served by media representations? How does media or popular culture personally influence them? What does this say about and how does this define American culture?

It’ll be very interesting to see what 10th graders have to say about all of this. Hopefully none of them work at the mall.